Wasting time with fear.

I had a long night last night. I had a hard time falling asleep because the rain and hail and wild weather was making all sorts of weird noises in my house. Bumps and squeaks and creaky panels and a valiant roof fending off the deluge all made for an unsettling cacophony. Then, I began feeling like someone was in the house. There was no one, to be sure, but that sick gut feeling wouldn't go away and kept me wide awake. Then Walker awoke around 3am to thunder claps. And again at 4:30 to what I imagine was a bad dream. He was shaking and screaming and it was all I could do to peel him off of my body. He was filled with something - fear, panic, night terrors - I don't know really.

We made it through the night. When I awoke I read a few news stories, one which involved the suicide of a nine year old at a nearby school. The other story was of a woman, shopping at a Whole Foods - the closest one to my home - who was beaten and robbed in the parking around 7pm the other night. So much unsettling news and all of it right here in my back yard. My mind is reeling a bit lately, mostly because of the pregnancy hormones, but the past 24 hours have given me a bit of a scare. Nothing with any longevity, I'm sure. My irrational brain, the one prone to exaggerated night time frights and such, is usually easily crushed by my overriding optimistic nature. I'm just trying to find a way to be grateful for this day - this strange and scary day where babies hang themselves and men attack moms bringing groceries home to their families. Shake it off, Sarah. I am grateful. I have my boys, I have my home and I do not need to live in fear because above all I have love.